I’m starting to realize that I suck at solo training. I do much better as part of a group, team or with a partner and its’ a real struggle to hold myself accountable for my workouts. Part of this is that I usually have some far-off goal that I’m trying to achieve and when I think about it I get overwhelmed and it seems impossible so I lose my drive and give up. I was talking to a friend who’s running the same 1/2 as me in October and we were comparing training notes and I started to feel really anxious about it and beating myself up mentally for not making all my scheduled workouts. I’ve been in this viscous cycle of scheduling a morning workout then staying up too late and not having the energy in the morning so then telling myself I will do it after work, then work is crazy and drags into the 8-9pm range and by the time I’m done with that I am mentally shot and all I want to do is have a glass of wine and stare at the TV. I know very well that if I just forced myself to do SOMETHING before work, full on workout or no, I would feel better and have more energy but inertia is a cruel mistress and I am in such a pit right now.
This morning as I was filtering through my emails I struck inspirational gold in an unlikely place. I’ve started actually reading the Spartan Race WOD emails that I’ve been subscribed to for ages and am using them as my cross training in my 1/2 marathon training. The workouts are great; effective, simple and quick which is perfect for me. This morning’s email had a short little post along with the WOD that completely hit home for me:
“We get stronger one workout at a time. Don’t let your mind get cluttered with plans and worries about the future when you can focus on the workout that is immediately before you. Be present in your workout. Concentrate. Enjoy it!”
I’m not usually a big “revelation” kind of person. I make my changes in small incremental steps be they physical or mental. For some reason those I really feel like this little quote is going to help me get back on track. I plan on making it the background on my phone and posting it on my mirror in my bedroom so I see it every morning. I used to love working out and somewhere in the past few years or so I’ve lost that and I’ve started to feel anxiety and guilt instead of just basic enjoyment of being physical and burning off stress. The idea of just focusing on one workout at a time feels like a relief and my new goal is simply to do something physical every day and not beat myself up when I don’t work out “hard enough”. One thing I always have enjoyed about yoga is that it is truly a practice that is in the moment. I never did yoga to get better at it, to get faster, stronger, etc. I’ve always just done it because it feels good and makes me happy. At this age (32), that’s really what all my workouts should be. I’m not going to set any running records, I’m not going to wow anyone with my physical prowess, I’m not training for the future professional athlete I was sure I would become when I was 12, I’m just doing it for my own physical and mental well being.
I have sadly been exposed to a lot of addiction and recovery programs in my life, and while not always pleasant I have learned a lot from those experiences. This may seem pretty out of context in this post, but the idea of not letting anxiety about the future derail you today is a constant theme in many 12 step programs and for good reason. A day is a manageable time increment. It’s not totally scary to say “Today I will not eat fried food for dinner and I will run 3 miles.” That feels completely doable, right? When you put that beside a long-term goal, say “In 6 months I will lose 40 pounds and run a 10k.” Realistically, that is a very feasible goal but to achieve it you have to have successful days turn into successful months. If you screw up one day and let that discourage you, that sense of failure/guilt can snowball and become very negative. On the flip side, if you take it “one day at a time” like they preach in programs like AA, you learn to just do the best you can for that one day. If you mess up, reflect on what went wrong, learn from it, then get over it. The next morning when you wake up, it’s another opportunity to have a successful day.
Someone close to me who has been drug through the wringer of watching a loved one battle addiction with mixed success has told me over and over again to be very careful of your expectations for yourself and others. The saying he quotes is “Resentment is the result of unfulfilled expectations.” At the risk of sounding very preachy/touchy-feeling with this post, I do think that most of us would benefit from letting go of some of the expectations we put on ourselves and others, especially in the areas we have little to no control over. If you place unrealistic expectations on yourself or those around you, you are really setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. I’m not saying you should float through life with no purpose or goals for yourself, but if you find that you are constantly discouraged in yourself, consider cutting yourself some slack. Set one small attainable goal today and celebrate it’s success. If you never leave your desk, go for a 20 minute walk and feel good that you did. Make a healthy choice at lunch and feel proud of yourself. If you have a long term goal, try breaking it up into smaller increments and celebrate those successes along the way. Life will get in the way of the best laid plans sometimes and that’s ok, practice starting each day with the outlook that it’s tabula rasa – a clean slate. Yesterday’s mistakes won’t hold you back, learn from them so you don’t repeat them but use it as a learning experience and continue to grow. Tomorrow isn’t here yet, so worrying about it does you no good. Keep your big goals in the back of your mind, but stay focused on today.
I know it’s not going to be easy to get out of my rut, but I am starting today. One of my favorite quotes is “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” (Sadly, I had to look up the source, it’s from the Chinese philosepher Lau-tzu). This is going to be my new mantra. I’m embracing all the cliches, “Before you can run, you have to learn to walk.”
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Muck Ruckers 